In Limbo

I hate being in limbo. You know that place where you know something is going to happen - not the way you thought it would and not knowing what will end up happening. That's where we are right now...in limbo.

On July 5th, a group from our church will be leaving for a mission trip to Haiti. We have been planning the mission trip since February. We are supposed to go on a medical trip into the mountains of northern Haiti, places where no doctors or nurses go. Because of the amount of stuff - hiking and medical - that is required to go on a trip like that, we shipped everything ahead of time. We thought we had shipped it with plenty of time to get to Haiti so we could use it. We found out two weeks ago that more than likely our stuff wouldn't be there. We made plans to have a friend from Haiti go get our stuff, flew him up here, only to find out that the shipping company had set out the wrong barrels and our barrels were the first ones loaded on the boat and it would take a week to get everything off just to get our barrels. Can you say bummed?

So now, our group - our trip, is in limbo. We know a few things:

• We are still going to Haiti.
• We need to go to Chamois - about 7 miles into the mountains and roughly a 10 hour hike. The church there needs some repair.
• We have some meds already down there from the last time we shippped meds and they didn't get there in time. We can use those meds up in one clinic - probably in Chamois.
• There is a lot of other stuff that can be done around St. Louis du Nord where the Ebeneazer Evangelical Mission is located.

This is pretty different from what we thought would happen - we thought we would run 4 medical clinics - 3 in the mountains and 1 more locally.

So, the question is...what does GOD want us to do? We thought we knew and we planned like we knew, perhaps taking a little bit too much into our hands and not leaving enough of it to God. So, is God just testing our faith - trying to see what our response to this latest hurdle will be? Do we go and trust that God will move mountains and get our stuff down there so we can run the clinics we thought we were supposed to run? Do we buy double of everything we would need so we can still hike? Do we go, do some stuff around the compound waiting for our stuff and then hike once we hav it all? Questions with no answers...

Do we trust God? Isn't that the real question here? Do we trust that God has a plan - however different from ours - and that his plan is perfect and the timing for the execution of his plan is also perfect? The fact is that whatever God's plan is, we can't make our plan be His plan no matter how hard we try. God's plan was, is, and always will be the only plan that will work every time.

Having been through some pretty big hurdles in our adoption process and knowing that we still have quite a ways to go before we get to bring our little guy home...I have had many opportunities to trust God, going on faith alone. This is latest bit of limbo is just another one of those times. And when I think back to the hurdles we've faced with our adoption -

• Deciding whether to adopt a little boy who may or may not be HIV+
• Spending a week with Jonathan, not knowing when we'd see him again
• Learning that we would never physically see Jonathan again since he had gone to be in the arms of Jesus
• Going to Haiti in September - not knowing why - just trusting
• Deciding to adopt Joshua

God has been faithful through everyone of these times. Not just one or two...every one of them. We still don't - and never will - know why God chose us to adopt in the first place. We don't know why he chose us to adopt Jonathan knowing that He would take him from us much earlier than we had ever imagined. We don't know why Jonathan was HIV+ and then sero-converted to HIV-. We don't know why Joshua showed up at the orphanage just 5 days before we did in September. All we know, is that all of those things happened, because GOD WANTED THEM TO.

And, God will continue to do what he wants to do...and that includes this trip.

I believe with all my heart that God is faithful and that he will be faithful to those of us who have sacrificially given of ourselves for this 10 day trip. I believed we would have our barrels down there right now - and there is a part of me that believes we will still see our barrels again. The bigger part of me, though, believes that God knows the desires of our hearts. All I can do is trust him - whether it is for something material - barrels full of medicines, food, and hiking supplies - something physical - having Joshua home for Christmas this year - or something eternal - my kids knowing Jesus and believing he died on the cross for the forgiveness of their sins.

God is in control.