Waiting

There was an update from Haiti today.  Other than a statement that I shouldn't panic because the hospital is right next to the embassy, there was no news for us today.

And I am a bit bummed.

I mean, we've been waiting almost a year for our dispensation.  Other people are getting theirs, when will ours come??  Is there anything we can do to convince the President that we are a good, loving, Christian family??  I mean really, how much longer??

There have been so many times that I have been the encourager on our group site.  This is one of those times that I feel like I'm no incapable of doing that.  I mean, here I am discouraged and lacking any kind of encouragement for myself.  I mean, where are all those verses and encouraging thoughts now, when I need them for myself.  I honestly can't think of a single one.

It has been 3 years since we started the adoption process with Jonathan, two since we started with Joshua.  It seems like when I need it the most, my confidence in the fact that God is sovreign and that his plan is perfect and that his timing is impecable starts to falter.  Why is that?  It's not like God isn't sovreign anymore.  Or that his plan is somehow now imperfect.  Or that his timing leaves something to be desired.  I mean it's not like God has changed...so why is my confidence faltering.

I am discouraged.  I am weary.  I am tired.  I am depressed.  I am ready to hear the words that our adoption is legal and final and we can go pick up our little boy.  I am tired of waiting.  I am tired of being confident.  I am tired of being the voice of reason, the voice of encouragement, the voice of confidence.  I am tired.

I am not giving up.  I won't give up.  I can't give up.  A little boy in Haiti needs me to keep going.  A little boy in Haiti needs me to stay confident.

And this is the point that I start going back to Ecclesiastes 3 and a wonderful devotion I read out of a book called Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.  That book is worn and tattered...well used.  My favorite devotional.  It has been to Haiti 6 times now, and it will make its seventh trip in a few weeks.

"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven:"  ~Ecclesiastes 3:1

"Stop trying to work things out before their time have come." ~Sarah Young, Jesus Calling, March 29

There is a time...keep reading through Ecclesiastes 3 - not exactly the most encouraging passage in the Bible, but it works.  Solomon knew what it was like to go through all kinds of things that required a forever evolving faith and understanding, and confidence in the sovreignty of God.

It is also a reminder to me that what I am feeling is okay...it's okay to be tired and weary.  It's okay to cry and to laugh.  It's okay to want to keep going and its okay to want to give up.  There is a time for everything.

And I am in a waiting time.  I am in a time that God is using to grow me, to stretch me, to mold me, to teach me.  He has brought me to a place where I can do nothing but trust Him, his timing, his plan.  He has brought me to a place where all I can do is wait  Wait on him.  Wait on him to move the mountains.  Wait on him to say, "OK.  You've waited long enough.  Watch how I bless you for your perseverence."

And so I wait.  Because that is what God is asking me to do.  He will not abandon me.  He will not leave me.  He will hold me up.  He will strengthen me.  He will give me everything I need to get through each day when my faith and confidence falter.  He will lead me and carry me.  He will not let me go.

Sometimes he lets m know he's here by some physical evidence or just the right verse.  But more than anything, he lets me know he's here by bringing people to walk along side of me. I am not alone - he is with me, but he provides a whole group of people to walk with me...some the exact same path and others are just supporting me as I walk.  It amazes me that when we started this journey we were "alone".  Now, there are a total of 3 families in a fairly close proximity doing the same thing. We lean on each other - cry, laugh, share, scream. We walk with each other.  And I am ever so grateful that God has given us these people to travel this journey with.

God is good...all the time.  All the time...God is good.  It was true this morning when I went to work.  It is true now after seeing the e-mail.  God IS good.