In the spotlight...

We got our copy of Sports Illustrated today.  And much to my surprise (dismay, perhaps), Ben Roethlisberger was emblazoned on the cover.  I was surprised...and then I saw the headline:  "THE HANGOVER BEN ROETHLISBERGER, Bad Behavior Bad Judgement, What Entitlement Run Amok is Costing The Proud Steelers".  I quickly stuck the magazine in my work bag and headed in to begin the next part of my day - running Quarterback to baseball practice.  I managed to slide the magazine out of my bag and onto the counter before I left.  It was still there when we returned nearly two hours later.

Roundabout Geek saw it and picked it up, started reading it, finishing it later.  And never said a word about the article.

So, after dinner was cleaned up, children bathed, and Joshua was in bed, I sat down to read the article about the now infamous Big Ben.  It was quite pointed...Steelers are die hard fans.  They love their football.  What they don't love - football players who tarnish the reputation of their team, the sport, and their city.  But it was really an article about how Big Ben could really be called Big, Bad Ben and how he needs to change his image.  He even admits as much.

So, the big question is, will he?  Will he really be humbled by his demise in popularity, by fans wanting  the Steelers' brass to trade him away, by a six-game suspension?  Will he really change his ways, change his attitude, his life?  Unfortunately, as the Steeler Nation takes a collective breath - we'll believe it when we see it.

So all of this got me thinking.  What is it that "caused" Big Ben's demise?  One word - PRIDE.  Yup, that's all it is.  And pride is the root of our sin...really it is.  You could look at every other sin and it would all boil down to pride.  Pride is so serious that Solomon included it in several of his Proverbs.

Proverbs 8:13 "To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behaviour and perverse speech."

Proverbs 11:2 "Whe pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."

Proverbs 13:10 "Pride ony breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice."

Proverbs 16:18 "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall."

Proverbs 29:23 "A man's pride brings him low, but a mon of lowly spirit gains honor."

In Daniel, King Nebuchadnezzer says, "And those who walk in pride he is able to humble." (Daniel 4:37)

Pride is the cause of a multitude of sins...and it all began when Eve thought she knew better than God.

I find it interesting that God uses this same sin to bring glory to himself...only someone who can confess their pride to God will truly be able to break free from the chains that pride wraps around our hearts.  And when we can rejoice and break free from the shackles pride locks us in, the only thing we can do is give glory to God!! 

As with many other sins, pride can only be remedied by humility.  Humility is not something we ask for ourselves...it is something given to us by God, usually through others.  Humility and the discipline it requires is not easy or fun or enjoyable.  Folks, I'm here to tell you it just stinks. I have a multitude of pride issues and although I feel God slowly chipping away at my pride-encrusted heart, I find that pride is always there, lurking in the background.  And here's the scary part, if I am in any way, shape, or form, not maintaining a constant connection with God, pride will once again take over.  And the engr2mom that emerges when that happens is not a good one.  I have been admonished on more than one occassion because of my pride.  Thank you! to the friends who truly love me enough to tell me!

Pride causes me to lose my temper and my patience, particularly with my kids.  Afterall, isn't my time more important than theirs...my agenda more important than what they want me to do?

Pride causes me to judge others in my life.  After all, I am doing something better than them, aren't I?

Pride cuases bitterness.  After all, it's not my fault...I shouldn't have to apologize, should I?

Pride causes jealousy.  After all,I work hard, don't I deserve that too?

Pride causes me to be quick to speak and to anger, and slow to listen.  After all, I have something really important to say, more important than what you are saying.  Don't I deserve to be heard too?

I could go on, but I think you get the point.  I struggle with pride - A LOT.  I purposely shy away from times where I could be in the spotlight.  I already know exactly where that will lead.  I find myself thinking of doing things that could bring glory to me, myself, and I, and have to immediately pray that God would take away those selfish thoughts, banishing them from my brain and my heart.  I find myself comparing myself to others, a lot, and judging them because they aren't like me, don't act like me, don't make decisions like me, don't think link me, don't talk like me, don't...(again, you get the picture).

I know that I cannot get over my pride issues by myself.    It was Jesus who said in Mark 10:37, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God." And in Phillipians 4:13, Paul says, "I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

I cannot overcome my many pride issues, but GOD can.  And really, only HE is able to conquer them.  He and I have a long way to go when it comes to my pride issues.  But I know he will not leave me or forsake me.  He will walk alongside of me, sometimes pushing me along, sometimes dragging me.  We will have some talks over and over again, he and I.  We will walk down some well-worn paths...again.  We will visit some of the same haunts.  All in an effort to deal with my pride issues.

And I welcome them because I don't like who I am when I am full of self and pride.

I don't have a football team resting on my shoulders.  I don't have a nation watching every move I make, eager to slander me at the first mishap in my behavior.  I don't have a boss who is just one more thing away from kicking my hiney out the door.  I don't have eight-year-old boys looking up to me and saying, "I want to be just like him" and then having to explain to said eight-year-old boy just why he shouldn't be just like him.  I don't live in the spotlight like Ben does.

Or do I?

I don't live in a glass bubble where people can see me everywhere because of who I am. My mistakes don't make the front cover of SI or the headline on the news.   But I do have three kids who see me the way no one else sees me.  I have three kids who see everything I do, hear everything I say, watch every move I make.  If I lose my temper, they see it.  If I lose it at them, they feel it.  If I say something I shouldn't about someone else, they hear it.  If I diserspect their father in their presence, they know it.  And when my kids say to me, "You're the best mommy in the whole world," you would think it be all fuzzy feelings.  Unfortunately, for me, it isn't usually a warm fuzzy.  Why?  Because I know that all too often, my pride gets in my way and I treat them poorly.  And yet, they say "I love you" and that I'm the best mommy.

I live in a glass bubble, one that sits precariously on the pedestal on which my children have placed it.  I am not ignorant of this fact, though all too often it seems as if I have.  So even though I may not live in the spotlight by the world's standards, by God's standards and by my kids' standards, I live very much in the spotlight.

To God alone be the glory for all that I have been through and the way he has led me throught it.  He alone is worthy of my praise and adoration.