One of those days....

Today is one of those days...you know those days,when you're just tired and you want to vegg...that's today. My ds was sick with pink eye the last couple of days which meant I didn't go to work, which meant that today - my day off - I had to go in. Oh how I had hoped that we would have a two hour delay this morning (meaning) I wouldn't have to go to work...I'd just work here instead. But no, the HUGE snow storm we were supposed to get didn't come in, so no delay, and work in store for me. Oh well. I did leave early, so not too bad.

But to truly understand what "one of those days" means for me, you have to understand the last 9 months of my life. As I sit and type this, it still seems so surreal, and yet, it is reality. I can only thank God for seeing me through and never letting me go. If I hadn't had a relationship with God, the last nine months would have been devestating for me, my marriage, and our family. Thank you Jesus for carrying me through!!

Last Christmas (2006), I got a phone call from the orphanage saying that Jonathan was in the hospital with pnuemonia...but was doing fine and would be discharged the next day. Ok, so no big deal. It was thrilling to talk with Chris person to person for the first time. To hear the calmness in her voice and her optimism she has regarding what she does for God in Haiti was very comforting.

We decided it was time to go meet our little Jonathan. So we booked our flights, found a guest house near the orphanage, and packed our bags. We headed to Haiti - my first trip, Craig's third - on March 6th. Oh what a wonderful week that was. We got to meet our son for the first time and spend a whole week with him. We got to meet those who care for him - the nannies and other staff. We got to know Hal and Chris and their hearts and why they do what they do - literally, for their love of God and for His love of his people in Haiti. Psalm 68:5, "A father to the fatherless is god in his holy dwelling. God sets the loney in families..." Never had a felt such a need to serve the fatherless, and just being there made our decision to adopt all that more afirming. We knew that Jonathan was our son and that God had put him in that place at that time for us, not us for him. See, it's funny the way God works. You think you're doing something good for someone else, but really, God is only using the situation to get to you.

We took lots of pictures of our baby boy while we were there. Here is one of my favorites...

He loved his thumb and stuck it in his mouth every chance he got. But he had a great smile too!

We left him there on March 13th, in the arms of the nanny - and in the arms of God. We knew that we had to "play" the waiting game when it came to bringing him home. Although our dossier was done, it was still being legalized by the Haitian government, and his momma had never come back since that November day. He had to be declared abandoned, which meant a whole new group of paperwork had to be done. Leaving was hard...not knowing when we would see him again was harder. We were anxious to get home to our two kiddos here, but leaving him wasn't easy.

In April, we got the news we had prayed for - and in May it was confirmed. Jonathan converted...his HIV tests came back NEGATIVE!!!! Oh God is so good!!! It was at this same time, though, that getting the abandonment papers signed by the Mayor was proving very difficult. We waited, and waited.

In June of 2007, the country of Haiti had a lot of sickness - stomach: vomiting, diarreah. Several of the kids at the orphanage got sick, and two very little ones died. At that same time, the Haitian government had found some rehydration medicines that were expired and required all hospitals, orphanages, clinics, pharmacies, etc. to immediately destroy any supply they had - expired or not. When they need the medicine the most...

The Nungesters came home to the states for a month-long respit last July. About a week and a half after they came back, we received an e-mail...say special prayers for John Cary. He has been admitted to the hospital for vomitting and dehydration. I got the e-mail at work and my heart sunk. I immediately sent it out to my church family for prayer. No matter how much I prayed, there was no peace to be had. That night, we had a meeting for another mission we are involved with, Nehemiah Vision Ministries. We got another e-mail - no change, some seizure activity.

I hesitated going to work on July 11th. I suppose a part of me knew what the morning's news would bring, and I didn't want to be at work. I prayed all the way to work, knowing that my God is bigger than any little virus and that if he wanted to, he could and would save that little boy. I had peace in only one thing - God is perfect and his plan is perfect. At 9:30 that morning, I got the e-mail. "We talked to Junior this morning and had some very sad news. John Cary passed away and is now in the arms of Jesus." (or something to that affect) I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, just as I can now. I kept my composure long enough to call Craig and send out an e-mail to Harvest. I went into the bathroom and just wept. I came back out to find some of my colleauges waiting for me..more crying. I cried a friend and told her...she came and drove me home from work. I got home and Craig was already there. We cried together. In the matter of a day, our dreams of adopting Jonathan had vanished and we were now grieving the son we would never again hold, never again see - at least on this earth. Yes, he is in a better place, and yet at the time we just wanted him with us. It had been exactly nine months since we decided to adopt him.

I had booked my flight to visit my son on Sunday, the 8th - just three days before he died.

There's more...and writing this is extremely therapeutic. I am crying, but I am also remembering his sweet face, his giggle, and his jabbering. I remember holding him in my arms and watching him sleep. He exists only in my memories and in the pictures we, and others, took of him on our visit. He will always live in my heart. He is my son...

So, when I say it's been one of those days, it's because for whatever reasons, I've been thinking about him.