In two days Craig and I will be headed to Haiti for our mission trip to St. Louis du Nord. We won't get a lot of time with Joshua, but we will get some.
The couple of days before we leave are always wierd for me. I'm excited to be going to Haiti - this time to see why Craig fell in love with it 5 years ago. I'm excited that I get to see Joshua, even if it is for a few hours. I am anxious to leave my DD and my DS behind. I don't like leaving them. It's a mom thing, I've decided. For some reason I don't think anyone can care for my kids like I can. Fortunately, that hasn't stopped me from leaving them...the leaving isn't easy though.
I rest easy in the knowledge that whether they are with me or not, they are ALWAYS in God's hands. After all, they are HIS kids first, I am just privileged enough to be their mom. And, HIS hands are always better than my minds, no matter how much the control freak in me wants to deny it. Every day I thank God for them, for the miracles they are, and every day I give them back to him.
Letting go is not easy, whether it's letting go of a hand as they walk into school for the first time or leaving for an overnight stay with a friend or leaving for a week-long trip or leaving him in the loving arms of a nanny, not knowing exactly when I'll get to see him again. That's the difference in letting go here and letting go there. We leave this Saturday, but we come back 10 days later. So 10 days after letting go of DD and DS here, I will see them again. When I leave Haiti on the 14th, although I know we're planning on going in October, I usually don't know when I'll be back. I keep clinging to the fact hat ONE day, he will be home - with us - here - in the US.
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