...that my son, Quarterback, is a reindeer. Dancer to be exact. Or he was for his Christmas program tonight. He was soooooo cute. They actually did another number where they - his class - acted like "hip hop reindeer". He was wearing grandpa's sunglasses, looking quite cool and putting the moves on to boot! Too cute.
I also learned that far too often I let my emotions do my speaking and thinking....before I let my mind stop me from letting my emotions get involved. This is a lesson I should have learned years ago. I have too often let my emotions speak, only to find that I had quite firmly insertd my foot into my mouth.
I will admit I struggle with being true to myself and still handling things that hurt me or bother me in a mature, adult manner. I too often think it has to be one or the other. I have the need to let people know what I'm thinking or how I feel regardless of the consequences. I have to be right.
The problem with this is that I often end up turning people away rather than endearing people to me. The conversation or e-mail or letter just doesn't get the reaction I intended and before I know it, I have caused pain to someone else. Now, I am a big proponent for taking responsibility for ones own reactions or feelings to a situation. No, I cannot make you feel one way or another. However, I can't use that excuse to go around just being blunt about what I think or feel without any regard to how someone might take it.
So I am learning that I don't always need to be right. I don't always need to have the last word. I do not need to - or should I say that I should not just say whatever I want and then tell someone, "I can't make you feel anything." The truth is that my words can cause pain to someone, whether verbally or in e-mail or letter. I shouldn't go around tiptoeing around people, scared to be myself. But I do need to be considerate of what's going on around me, or in that person's life.
Roundabout Geek is such a great mirror for me in this respect - as much as I don't like to admit it, he knows me better than anyone. He knows whats behind things I say to other people. On more than one occassion he has reminded me that my words can be harsh. He reminds me to be careful with what I say and how I say them. I don't like that he is so blunt with me. He's usually right.
And today is no different...I wanted to explain to someone my perspective on a situation. I wrote an e-mail, read it, saved it, left alone for a few hours, prayed over it, read it, change, saved it, left it again, read it and sent it. I copied Roundabout Geek on it because he was involved in the situation, but also because I knew he would read it as if I was saying the words to him. And his reaction - "You like to pick fights, don't you." I didn't set out to pick a fit, or kick a person while they were down. What I wrote had no malice or anger behind it. There's been stuff going on around us that involved me, but I haven't been given the opportunity to give my perspective. I honestly am not angry at anyone because of what happened - what happened just happened. In my need, however, to have my voice heard, my perspective laid out, I may have caused pain to someone else. And that was not my intention.
So I am learning to really watch what I say, how I say it, and that I don't need to be right or have the last word. God will walk with me as I walk this path, because it is only with Him walking with me that I will be able to put my pride by my side and learn to just love others, the way He intends them to be loved.
I will continue to walk, to learn, to love, to pray, to trust, to be patient.
Always hoping. Always trusting. Always loving. Always.
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