My mind is going a mile a minute. Between all the stuff I need to get done and all the stuff I left undone and all the unknowns left, well, unkown. I've had lots of e-mails and people stopping by to see how Joshua is. I've been clicking refresh on my e-mail so often the "refresh" button will eventually stop working. There is no way to describe the helplessness I feel, the anger I feel at the ignorance of some people, the frustration I feel at comments that are made, the deep sadness I feel for all of Haiti, the pain of not knowing what is going on, the thankfulness I feel knowing (at least for now) that Joshua and the kids and founders of HIS Home are okay, the concern for those that we have yet to hear from. I didn't know I could feel so many emotions at one time. I want to cry, but I laugh because I don't want to cry. I am distracted. I want to know more. There is nothing more coming from the people I love there, from the people who I call family. My stress level is beyond high. I am losing my temper at my children for no good reason. I slept last night, but not well. I just feel so helpless.
One of the orphanage administrators, Junior, has not been heard from yet. He lives in Petionville near the hospital that collapsed. He is quite literally Chris' right hand man. He runs the homes when they are away in the United States. He knows every single child by name, and knows who their adoptive parents are and where their adoption is. I am trying hard not to think about what would happen if we lost him.
Pierre and Nathan are safely in Miami. They still have not heard from Dianne, Charissa, and Lemuel. How scary it must be to just not know if your family is safe.
Watching the news is hard. Princess N is scared. The compassion in her is amazing. I know she is feeling completely and totally helpless. How do you explain this to a 10 year old who wants her little brother home as much as we do???
The pictures and video are just devestating. I've seen some of these buildings...to see them flattened like pancakes is just surreal.
I am beyond frustrated when I hear about people writing letters to our President and former President Clinton urging them to find a way to fix the adoption process in Haiti. REALLY??! Is that necessary, now? Ever? The founders of HIS Home have on more than one occassion asked us adoptive parents to stay away from playing the political game because it just doesn't do any good. If an adoptive parent wants to do it, fine...just don't attache the name "HIS Home" to it in anyway. They could be jeopardized. Their reputation in Haiti could be jeopardized. All of the pending adoptions could be jeopardized. And that is on a "normal" day, when there wasn't a devestating earthquake the evening before. If you don't expect them to do anything about it now, why send it now? Why even send it in the first place? Isn't God in control of our adoptions? Hasn't he been in control from the beginning? Isn't he in control now? Don't the US personnel have enough on their minds regarding Haiti? They certainly don't need us needy parents complaining about how slow the adoption process is. And, oh by the way, exactly how long is too long? I've been in the process since October of 2006. I don't have my son home yet. I want to know what's going to happen now just like the rest of them. It's simply not their priority right now and I've chosen not to make it mine. I want my son home, here...complaining isn't going to bring him home any sooner. Trying to get answers from the Haitian government isn't going to get him home any sooner. Trying to get our government involved isn't going to bring him home any sooner. In fact, the last two could very well delay the entire process even more than it will be as a result of the earthquake. When some well-meaning parents tried to take matters into their own hands in 2007, adoptions STOPPED completely for almost 18 months. For all of us who lived through that, please don't do it again. Stop being an IwantmywaynomatterwhatittakestogetitandIdon'tcarewhoIhurtintheprocess American. There are too many of those here. We certainly don't need that attitude in a country where they don't care what you want, when you want, or quite frankly, that you're an American. I know it is a fact here that when we don't like the service in a restaurant, the price of a piece of furniture in the store, the cleanliness of our hotel room, or thousands of other things we don't like, we just go to the person in charge and they "take care of it" because they want nothing more than to make us happy. Not so in Haiti...just the opposite.
I learned a long time ago with our adoption that there are no strings to pull, favors to call in, people to complain too. We have a friend in Haiti...a friend who probably does know people in high places...a friend who probably could "pull some strings" in our adoption. From the very beginning we chose not to involve them. There are parents that have been waiting longer than us...why should we get special treatment because we know someone? Then we learn that using trying to pull strings could actually hurt us and not help us. I'll let God be God and allow Him to be in control of our adoption thankyouverymuch.
Its been said that God doesn't just swoop down and save people from the devestation and we need to do more than pray. I ask you, then, just what are you doing? There aren't any commercial/passenger flights into Haiti right now. And if there were, where would you start? The people you know more than likely can't get to where you are anyway. There are people there being the hands and feet of God. Support them. Send them money. Pray for them. As a people, as a nation, there is very little more that we can do than that. I've got two links in my sidebar to websites where you can donate funds and KNOW they are going to help aid in the relief. How do I know? Because I've been there. I've witnessed it. I've seen where the money goes. If they say it will go to earthquake relief, it will go to earthquake relief. If you want to do something, start there! Oh, and then hit your knees and pray, pray without ceasing.
I just want to cry. The news is horrific. I feel the pain the people are showing. I feel a great loss. This country is in my heart, in my blood. It isn't just a place in the middle of the ocean. It is where my son is. I know people there. I go there and I feel at home. I can't imagine what it will be like the next time I go.
I don't know what is happening. I don't what know what will happen. No one does. No one, that is, except God. And as I always do...I keep trusting. I keep praying. I keep hoping. I keep loving.
Always.
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