one month ago today

God answered a prayer.  It was not the answer I was expecting or thinking of, but it was an answer nonetheless. 

For over two years I prayed that God would move mountains in our adoption.  I used those exact words..."Lord, please move mountains in our adoption so that we could bring Joshua home."  Those words are the tagline on my skype profile..."My mom and dad are trusting God to move mountains in my adoption."

At 4:53pm on January 12, 2010, God moved mountains...literally.  Although I never expected God to move the actual mountains of Haiti, He did answer my prayer!

By moving the physical mountains, He moved the political ones as well.  Our papers are likely buried beneath the rubble of what used to be the National Palace.  Our son, however, is here, with us and NOT in Haiti.  There were more mountains that had to be moved between January 12, 2010, and our GOTCHA! day on January 26, 2010, but God moved every one of them.

Are there still  mountains, yes.  There will always be mountains that God needs to move.  We will always be faced with challenges that we cannot move ourselves.  We will always have the rough terrain that we must go through to get to the top of the mountain.  God has always been there for me, and I know he always will be.

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I listened to a lot of music the days after the earthquake.  One of the songs I really came to like was Let the Waters Rise by Mikeschair.

Don't know where to begin

Its like my world's caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here?

sometimes its so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
But I am willing to go
Where you want me to
God, I trust You

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
'Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea
You'll never out of reach

God, You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You
God Your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You

These lyrics really spoke to me...I did feel like the waters were rushing in.  Waters of overwhelming grief, sadness, anxiety.  Waters of exhaustion and hopelessness.  Waters of depression and darkness.  On more than one occasion I felt defeated.  On more than one occassion there were tears of joy and then frustration.  It was a whirlwind...and then some. 

I look back and I am amazed.  Amazed at what God did, what he's done, what he is still doing.  God's hand was in every part of this roller coaster. He was not only holding my hand, he was holding me.  I had no other choice but to trust God...much like every other step of this journey, I was powerless to do anything myslef.  It had to be all God. 

And in the end, it was.

And I sit here, a month later...

Always trusting.  Always loving.  Always believing.  Always praying.  Always.