Here is is again...it's been three months since my last post. I guess I haven't done this as much as I thought. I read other blogs that have posts almost daily and I think to myself, "Self, why can't I do that?" I like to journal. I like to type. I type faster than write...it would make perfect sense, right? RIGHT?
It makes sense in theory...problem is that in my world, theories are made to be proven and so far, I haven't been able to prove this one. Of course, my life, in general has been crazy busy, and even my journaling has seen a huge hit. For some reason, I'm stuck in a rut I can't seem to find my way out of.
But, today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day - or something like that. I have had both - a loss during pregnancy and an infant loss. What hits me though, isn't the pregnancy loss, partly because I didn't come to terms with that loss until quite a while after the loss. What hits me is my Jonathan. October 11, 2006, was the day we "met" Jonathan via computer and e-mail. We didn't know that God had been creating him in our hearts long before then. We saw his picture and we just knew. I can't explain how we knew, we just did. I still remember the e-mail from the orphanage..."see if one of them jumps off the screen and into your hearts." And boy did he ever jump! I couldn't even look objectively at the other three pictures. His was the first one we looked at and we were in love. July 11, 2009, marked the two year anniversary of God missing him so much that He brought Jonathan home to be with him. I see his picture every day. I remember the moment I met him and the first time I held him. No, I did not carry him for 9 months in my womb...I carried him for 9 months in my heart before God took him home. I had one glorious week with him and nine awe-inspiring months of praying for him. To give a child wholly and completely to God, trusting Him and His plan, knowing that His hands are the best hands in all the world...that's what God taught me with Jonathan.
Joshua did not replace Jonathan. Instead, God has shown us that Jonathan lives in him and that for whatever reason, He saw a need Joshua had for us to be his parents. I simply like to think of God missing Jonathan so much he just HAD to bring him home. I know that Jonathan looks down at us from the arms of Jesus. I know that he will always have a special place in our lives. I know that seeing me on the other side of heaven will be a truly glorious event.
So, how's the adoption? When do you get to bring him home? Can someone please inform the rest of the world that I. DON'T. KNOW. I trust God implicitely with his timing and his plan for when Joshua will come to be with us here at home. Until then, I trust in His hands to care for our sweet Joshua in Haiti - to keep him safe, nourished, and growing. I thank Him every day for Hal and Chris and their staff of security personnel, nannies, cooks, administrators, and drivers. I thank Him every day for the support of many, many people who give to HIS Home to help support the many, many children in their care.
We will soon head to Haiti to sign some paperwork at the US Embassy in Port-au-Prince, and some "new" paperwork the Haitian courts require us to sign. We will spend one amazing week with our little guy and get to meet some new friends we know only by e-mail. For the first time, we will be joined by our other two friends, also adopting from HIS Home. We will have our first "Haiti Family" picture - all four of us with our four kiddos.
Life in our little town continues to go on. DS had football. DD had soccer and is still in ballet. Football and soccer end on Saturday. Bittersweet - ready for the crazy busy to be over, but will definitely miss the new friends we have made in the process. I'm ready to get back to meal planning and healthy eating. I'm ready to get back to family dinners and family devotions. I'm ready to get back to having small group without running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to be in two places at once. I'm ready to settle into a new normal - one that may only be quiet for a time. Mostly, I'm ready to be used by God in a new way with the new and wonderful friends we have made.
I'm ready to allow God to use me in new and wonderful ways. Maybe it's to reach more people at work. Maybe it's to reach more people in our little town. Maybe it's to do something new and wonderful with Craig and our kiddos. Maybe it's to spend more time with him than with anyone else. Maybe it's to be more dedicated to my blog. Who knows...I sure don't. But I'm sure ready for the journey!
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